i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
