Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
