keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
