I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im part way to drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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