Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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