so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
