My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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