I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
