insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
