Quick, to the slutcave!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Are we still banned from the library?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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