She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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