Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.