I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?