how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.