I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
