The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
