HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
