his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
