Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
