Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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