Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
