dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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