i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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