Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
