Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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