I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
