Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
