Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
