i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
