I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
