from now on my penis is your penis
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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