Cold hands, warm shart.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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