you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
