Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
