I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
