I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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