I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
