I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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