My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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