watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
