I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize