woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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