I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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