wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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