did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
