hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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