I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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