pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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