I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
