Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize