No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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