I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
