my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
