Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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