Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
