i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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