I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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