Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
