Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
