Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
