You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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