the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
