Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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