Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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