You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You need Xanax blowdarts
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
