omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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