Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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