is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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