Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize