I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
