She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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