i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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