WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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