Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
