i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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