The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
