i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
